Using Cognitive Defusion in Your Coaching

Do you use cognitive defusion in your coaching? Most coaches could dramatically improve the results they get by utilising cognitive defusion in their coaching. If you coach long enough, you’ll notice the real challenge isn’t usually knowledge. Most clients know broccoli beats donuts, sleep beats doomscrolling, and consistency beats perfection. The real challenge is the mind noise that shows up right when action matters: “I blew it,” “I’ll never stick to this,” “Everyone at the gym is watching me.”

This is where cognitive defusion comes in. At its core, it’s about creating a little space between your client and their thoughts so those thoughts don’t have the same grip on behaviour. Instead of getting tangled up in the content of a thought (debating it, suppressing it, or trying to “think positive”) we help clients notice the thought as just a thought, and then act based on what matters most.

You’ll hear me say this again and again, but coaching isn’t about erasing doubts, cravings, or self-criticism. Those will always show up. Coaching is about equipping clients with the skill to keep moving forward, even with that chatter in the background. Cognitive defusion is one of the most powerful ways to do that.

As a coach, when you learn to teach this skill in simple, practical ways, you give clients freedom. You give them the freedom to act on their values instead of being pushed around by every story the mind tells. That’s why, in my view, defusion is a true keystone skill for world-class coaching.

TL;DR

Defusion is about creating space so values, not noisy thoughts, guide action. When clients notice a thought as just a thought (“I’m having the thought that…”), it loosens its grip. That pause lets them choose a next step anchored in health, family, or competence instead of getting hijacked.

Use defusion when fused thinking stalls progress: all-or-nothing spirals (“I blew it, week’s ruined”), harsh comparisons (“Everyone’s stronger”), cravings (“I have to finish the bag”), or scale panic (“Weight’s up, I’m failing”). If the thought is steering them off-plan, that’s the cue.

The method is quick: Label the thought, take one slow exhale, then make a small values-led move (lace shoes, prep a meal, start with 5 minutes). Keep it under 60 seconds from noticing to action.

Defusion works best when paired: tie it to values (“Future You wants energy for your kids”), add grounding when intensity is high (5 senses, 3 breaths), and layer in micro-exposures when avoidance shows up (walk in, do one set, leave). Don’t aim to erase thoughts—let them ride along while values drive.

Track process, not just outcomes: log how often defusion is used, time from sticky thought to action, urge intensity before/after, and recovery speed after slips. Praise the reps, as these predict consistency before results do.

Finally, know your scope: defusion is a powerful coaching tool for everyday struggles with cravings, negative self-talk, and gym anxiety. It is not for trauma, eating disorders, severe depression, self-harm, or substance misuse. If red flags arise, pause, refer to licensed care, and coordinate with consent.

Quick Primer: What Cognitive Defusion Is, and Isn’t

Cognitive defusion means helping a client create a little space between themselves and their thoughts, so those thoughts don’t run the show. We’re not trying to delete thoughts, replace them with “better” ones, or convince the mind to stop being noisy. We are trying to de-fuse the fusion of thoughts with identity. 

We’re simply changing the relationship a client has with their inner chatter. We are ideally shifting them from “I am my thoughts” to “I notice my thoughts.” When the grip of a thought loosens, action gets a lot easier.

This idea comes straight out of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), where defusion is considered a core skill. ACT isn’t about arguing with the mind, it’s about building psychological flexibility, which is the ability to do what matters even in the presence of doubt, cravings, or discomfort. As coaches, that’s exactly what we want our clients to be able to do, and psychological flexibility is the foundation for consistency in training, nutrition, sleep, and recovery.

Now, you might be used to the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) style of “cognitive restructuring,” where you challenge the accuracy of a thought: Is it really true? Where’s the evidence? That can certainly be useful in a lot of contexts and situations. But defusion takes a different tack. Instead of debating a thought, we teach clients to notice it as just a mental event, like a cloud passing through the sky, and then return their attention to the value-aligned action in front of them.

Now, just to be super clear here, defusion is not positive thinking, suppression, ignoring real problems, or playing tug-of-war with the mind. If your client has an actual issue, say their training program needs adjusting, you help them adjust it. 

Defusion is about what we do with the thoughts around the real problem, so clients don’t get stuck spinning their wheels.

The beauty of defusion is in its outcomes. When clients learn it, they gain flexibility. They stop being pulled around by rigid “all-or-nothing” stories and start showing up for what matters most, whether that’s finishing a workout, cooking a meal, or turning the lights off at a decent hour. That’s why it’s such a cornerstone skill in great coaching.

If you like to connect the dots back to philosophy or psychology like I do, you’ll see echoes everywhere. The Stoics, from Epictetus to Marcus Aurelius, reminded us that people are disturbed not by events themselves but by the judgments they attach to them. Defusion brings that same principle to life. You notice the judgment as a thought, not a fact. William James, the father of American psychology, emphasised that attention shapes reality. In many ways, defusion is just attention training, teaching clients to unhook from unhelpful content and place attention where it actually matters: on their values, and on their next step.

Why Use Defusion in Health & Fitness Coaching

One of the biggest myths about coaching is that people fail because they don’t know what to do. In reality, most clients know the basics: eat more protein, move their body, get decent sleep, and drink some water. 

The real battle is what happens in their head when it’s time to act. That’s when the pesky thoughts show up: “I’ll never stick to this.” “I blew it.” “Why even bother?”

This is where cognitive defusion really shines. Instead of getting tangled in those thoughts or trying to argue clients out of them, we show them how to notice the thought, step back from it, and still take action. It’s like giving them traction on a slippery road.

Defusion also stops the dreaded all-or-nothing shame spiral. Without it, a missed workout or a rough weekend of eating can snowball into shame, overcorrection, or outright giving up. With defusion, clients bounce back faster. They learn that one slip doesn’t erase progress, it’s just a moment, not a judgment.

Over time, this makes change more sustainable. Instead of burning willpower in daily arguments with their own mind, clients develop a lighter, more skilful way of handling cravings, fatigue stories, and doubt. That frees up energy for consistent, value-driven behaviour, which is the only thing that actually produces consistent long-term results.

You’ll also find that your conversations get smoother. When you stop trying to convince clients that their thoughts are wrong, they stop feeling defensive. Instead, they feel seen and understood: “Ah, my coach gets it! Everyone has these thoughts. I don’t have to hide them.” That shift alone can deepen trust and keep clients engaged long term.

And let’s be honest, this also protects your energy, too. You don’t have to keep debating every “I can’t” or “I failed” story. You don’t have to out-argue a client’s mind. You just teach the skill, let them practice, and watch the pressure come off both sides of the coaching relationship.

There’s some solid psychology behind all this too. According to Self-Determination Theory, people are most motivated when their behaviour is self-chosen and aligned with personal values. Defusion supports autonomy by helping clients act from what they really care about, rather than being yanked around by every intrusive thought.

The truth is that everyone wrestles with self-doubt, cravings, and mental noise. Coaches, clients, world champions, and everyone else. It’s just a part of being human. The key here isn’t eliminating that noise; it’s learning to live well alongside it. Defusion teaches exactly that, and it reinforces the principle that success in health and fitness comes from consistency, not perfection.

When to Reach for Cognitive Defusion in Your Coaching

As a coach, you don’t need to use cognitive defusion all the time. You reach for it when the client’s mind noise is getting in the way of action. Which, believe me, happens a lot..

Here’s where you’ll see it most often:

Nutrition scenarios

• Food rules and moralising: “Carbs are bad.” “I ruined the day.”
• Cravings and urges: “I have to finish the bag.”
• Scale anxiety and identity stories: “If the number went up, I’m failing.”

Training scenarios

• Perfectionism and comparison: “Everyone else is stronger.”
• Avoidance loops: “If I can’t do the full workout, why start?”
• Fear stories about discomfort: “DOMS means I’m injured.”

Lifestyle scenarios

• Sleep worry: “If I don’t get 8 hours, tomorrow is ruined.”
• Consistency shame: “I’m just not disciplined.”
• Return-from-setback stories after travel, illness, or busy seasons.

Coaching process moments

• Pre-check-in jitters
• Progress-photo dread
• Missed-habit recovery
• Holiday or social events

Every coach runs into these thought patterns, and they’re all perfect opportunities to use defusion.

I always find it helpful to remind myself that from an evolutionary perspective, most sticky thoughts make perfect sense. Cravings for calorie-dense foods kept our ancestors alive. Worry about social judgment kept us safe in the tribe. But in a modern gym or kitchen, those same impulses can derail consistent behaviour. Defusion lets clients respect the impulse without being ruled by it.

On the neuroscience side, many of these thoughts ride on the brain’s default mode network, the part that spins stories, ruminates, and replays old worries. Defusion acts like a switch, and it moves clients from autopilot rumination into conscious, values-driven action

But not every client is ready for it on day one. Some people will see defusion as “woo-woo” unless you frame it in plain, fitness-friendly terms. That’s your job.

I like to frame this stuff as “mental training exercise”. Clients get that. It feels practical, not abstract. And you don’t need to start with heavy metaphors like “leaves on a stream.” Begin with lighter tools, like labelling: “I’m having the thought that…”, and build up as the client develops skill.

Think of it as a tiered approach:

1. Start simple: labelling, naming the story.
2. Add light humour: thanking the mind, silly-voice repetition.
3. Only later, introduce more abstract imagery (like leaves on a stream or radio channels).

That way, you meet clients where they are, and you make defusion feel like a normal part of training their mental game, just like progressive overload for the body. 

It also reminds them that they have to actually build the skill BEFORE they need it. They wouldn’t try a new cue or technique on a max effort lift, so why try it on a max effort mental struggle?

How Defusion Fits With ACT & CBT Tools You Already Use

The more a client tries to control their thoughts (“don’t think about food,” “stop worrying about the scale,” “I have to stay positive”), the louder those thoughts get. You’ve almost certainly experienced this yourself and seen it in your clients where the harder they push, the more they struggle. 

Defusion flips the script because it stops the tug-of-war. Instead of fighting the thought, we notice it, let it be, and move forward with what matters.

In ACT, defusion is never used in isolation. It works alongside present-moment awareness, acceptance of inner experience, clarifying values, and taking committed action. They’re like teammates on the same field, and defusion often leads the play and creates the space so the others can do their job.

If you’re used to CBT-style tools, don’t think of defusion as replacing them. Think of it as adding range. Sure, sometimes a client benefits from examining a thought and challenging its accuracy. But other times, that just drags them deeper into debate. Defusion gives you another option, where, instead of proving or disproving the thought, you change the relationship to it. That can be super helpful in getting clients to make progress. 

The same goes for mindfulness or motivational interviewing. A quick grounding breath or body scan can give a client just enough pause to notice a thought before it hijacks them. Defusion doesn’t just support behaviour change in theory. It integrates beautifully into habit design. 

A craving shows up? Defusion can be the reset button that shifts a client from autopilot to choice. 

A thought says, “Skip the workout,” and instead of wrestling with it, the client practices a quick defusion rep and takes the smallest action anyway (maybe just lacing up their shoes or getting their gym clothes ready). 

When you start weaving defusion into the tools you already use, clients stop burning energy in mental battles, and you stop burning energy trying to out-argue them. The system runs smoother, with less friction, because you’ve taught them how to step back from their thoughts and keep moving toward what matters.

Core Defusion Skills (Coach Toolkit)

We’ve been talking about defusion in theory, but let’s get practical. As a coach, you need actual moves you can use in the middle of a conversation, when a client is caught in a sticky thought. These aren’t long meditations or abstract metaphors, they’re quick, simple techniques you can teach in less than a minute. Think of them as mental training reps. The more a client practices, the stronger their ability to unhook from unhelpful thoughts.

One of the simplest is labelling. When a client says, “I blew it,” you can ask them to try, “I’m having the thought that I blew it.” It’s a tiny shift, but it creates the distance they need. The thought is still there, but it’s no longer fused with their identity, it’s just an event in the mind. Once clients get the hang of this, you’ll hear them start self-labelling without your cue.

Sometimes I’ll take it a step further by naming the story. Every client has their “greatest hits”: the All-or-Nothing story, the Not Disciplined story, the Why Bother story. When you say, “Ah, that’s the All-or-Nothing story showing up again,” you’re teaching them to recognise patterns instead of drowning in them. It’s the difference between being inside the storm and noticing it from the outside.

I also like to do a bit of self-talk, where we treat the mind as separate from the self (echoes of Descartes’ mind-body dualism), and thank it for presenting these thoughts to you. A simple, “Thanks, mind, for trying to help,” can soften the weight of a thought. After all, it is only trying to help, and it feels like presenting you with these thoughts is genuinely helpful.

Humour is another powerful lever we can use to our advantage, and you might invite a client to repeat the thought in a silly voice, or ten times in a row until it loses its seriousness. A thought like “I’ll never stick to this” doesn’t hold up well when it’s being repeated in a squeaky cartoon voice. The point isn’t to make fun of the client, it’s to show them experientially that thoughts are just words and sounds, not unshakable truths.

For some clients, visualisation works best. You might ask them to imagine the thought written on a sticky note and set aside on a shelf while they keep moving forward. Or you can use the classic “leaves on a stream” image, whereby you are watching thoughts float by like leaves on a stream, without needing to grab onto them. 

Another metaphor I like is the “Radio Doom and Gloom.” The station is always playing, but you don’t have to stop your life, call into the station and argue with the host or complain about what they are playing. You can notice it as background noise, smile, and carry on with your day.

When it comes to cravings, I often teach urge surfing. Instead of fighting an urge or giving in, you ride it like a wave. Notice how it rises, crests, and eventually fades. Clients are usually surprised at how temporary urges really are once they stop panicking about them.

If a client is overwhelmed and spinning out, grounding through the five senses is quite helpful. Ask them to name five things they can see, four they can feel, three they can hear, two they can smell, and one they can taste. Once they’re more present, you link it to action: “Okay, what’s the next small step Future You would want to take?”

And that’s the final piece, always circling back to values. The thought isn’t the boss. Values are. A quick cue like, “What does Future You care about here?” puts the focus back on what matters most. I often remind clients, “The thought is real, but it doesn’t have to be the boss.” That line often sticks, because it’s both validating and freeing. 

Now, you don’t throw all of these at a client in one go. Just like you wouldn’t hand a beginner twelve different squat variations, you pick one or two that fit their style and context. Practice them consistently in low-stakes environments, track the reps you do, and let the skill actually build. 

Over time, clients stop being yanked around by their minds, and you stop burning energy trying to out-argue their thoughts. 

Step-by-Step: Teaching Defusion in a Session

Now, you don’t need a 45-minute lecture on cognitive defusion to teach it. In fact, the simpler and faster you keep it, the more likely a client will actually use it. Here’s the flow I use when I want to introduce the skill in a coaching session.

First, normalise it. I’ll often say something like, “Everyone gets mind-noise. I do, you do, your friends do. The skill here isn’t about silencing the noise, it’s about learning how to keep moving even when it shows up.” That framing takes the shame away and puts us in problem-solving mode together.

Next, give them a tiny bit of psychoeducation. I like the notification metaphor: “Thoughts are like phone notifications. Some are useful, some are spam. Defusion helps you notice the notification, decide whether to open it, and keep going.” Clients instantly get it because we all live on our phones.

From there, you want to work with a live thought, not a hypothetical. Ask about something recent: “What’s a thought that tripped you up around training, food, or sleep this week?” It could be “I blew it,” “I’m too tired,” or “Why bother.” Pick whatever is freshest and most real.

Then you guide them through a single technique. Keep it simple: “Let’s try this. Say out loud: I’m having the thought that I blew it. Then take a slow breath.” You don’t need to overexplain, just let them do the rep and notice what shifts.

Once they’ve had a taste, tie it immediately to a real, near-term task. “When the ‘why bother’ thought shows up at 6 pm tonight, instead of debating it, you’ll practice this line and then do ‘X’.” The key is linking the skill to a real situation they’ll face in the next 24 hours.

Always debrief. Ask: “What did you notice in your body? Did your breath change? Did the urge feel stronger or weaker?” This helps the client connect the dots between the skill and their lived experience, which is where the buy-in happens.

Finally, build a plan and a way to track it. Pick a clear cue, like “after work I change out of my work clothes”, and define the micro-action: one line of defusion, one grounding breath, and one step forward. 

Decide how they’ll log it, maybe a quick note in their notes app. Tracking makes it feel like real training, not just a nice idea.

Here’s what this can look like in real time.

Client: “The scale’s up. I blew it.”

Coach: “Okay, notice what just happened. Your mind gave you a story: ‘I blew it.’ Totally normal, everybody’s mind does this. Let’s try a little drill. Say out loud: ‘I’m having the thought that I blew it.’”

Client: “I’m having the thought that I blew it.”

Coach: “Good. Now say it again, but slower this time. Really hear the words as just words.”

Client: “I… am having… the thought… that I blew it.”

Coach: “Nice. Take a slow breath. Now, what shifts for you?”

Client: “Huh. It feels a little less frustrating. Still kind of annoying, but not so heavy.”

Coach: “Exactly. That’s the skill. The thought didn’t vanish, but it loosened its grip. That’s cognitive defusion. The thought can ride in the car with you, but it doesn’t have to drive. Now, if Future You were in charge here, even with that thought hanging around, what would they do next?”

Client: “They’d prep dinner like we planned.”

Coach: “Perfect. That’s the move. Notice the thought, unhook from it, and then act by your values. Let’s make it even more concrete. When the ‘I blew it’ story shows up again, because it will, here’s the plan: pause, breathe three times, and do the next action that keeps you moving forward with your goals. I want you to write that as a note in your phone right now so it’s ready when you need it.”

Client: “Got it. [pulls out phone] Writing it down.”

Coach: “Great. That’s your mental rep for the week. Every time the ‘I blew it’ story shows up and you follow that sequence (notice, breathe, act). You’re training the defusion muscle here. Just like a squat, the more practice you get in, the stronger you’ll get.”

That’s the whole process. In less than ten minutes, you’ve normalised the mind-noise, taught the skill, practised it live, and built a plan for real-world use. It doesn’t have to be complicated. The goal isn’t to turn clients into philosophers, it’s to give them a tool they can use tonight, when the chatter shows up and action really matters.

Integrating Defusion Across Your Coaching Practice

Defusion isn’t just a one-off trick you pull out when a client gets stuck. The real power comes when you weave it through your entire coaching process. When you do that, defusion stops being an add-on and becomes an actual part of your coaching culture.

I often think of a quote that is attributed to Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” I like this quote because it echoes many of the teachings of Stoicism. Defusion gives your clients a way to find that space before reacting. 

Defusion lowers the “cognitive tax” your clients pay when they wrestle with unhelpful thoughts. Instead of burning mental energy fighting their own minds, they free it up for action.

Let’s walk through where this shows up in practice.

When you’re onboarding a new client, don’t just ask about goals and habits. Ask about their “greatest hits” thoughts. “What thoughts most often derail you?” Maybe it’s “I don’t have time,” “I’m not disciplined,” or “If I miss a workout, I’ve blown the week.” Collect two or three of these, because they’ll become the perfect material for defusion practice later. At the same time, clarify values, and why they’re really here. More energy for their kids, confidence in their body, and independence as they age. That way, when you teach defusion, you’re not just creating calm, you’re creating committed action in the service of something that matters.

When you design programs, build in defusion micro-practices at predictable friction points, like a quick labelling exercise before meals, a grounding breath before bed, or a “thank your mind” rep before training. 

If you use if-then planning, make sure the “if” includes thoughts as well as situations. For example: “If the ‘why bother’ story shows up after work, then I’ll lace my shoes and then just do five-minutes.” Keep tiny wins ready, so a client can always act, even when their mind is noisy.

Check-ins are another golden opportunity for using cognitive defusion in your coaching. I often like to include a “mind log” in weekly forms: what was your stickiest thought, which defusion tool did you use, and what action did you take anyway? That gives you material for reflection and reinforcement. And when you respond, don’t just praise the outcome. Praise the process: “Nice job noticing that thought and still showing up. That’s the work that will keep us moving towards your goals.”

And finally, think about how you measure progress. Don’t just track outcomes like workouts completed or meals logged. Track process markers too, like how often a client practised a defusion skill, how quickly they acted after a sticky thought, how their urge intensity changed from before to after a defusion rep, and/or how fast they bounced back after a slip. These are leading indicators of long-term consistency.

When you integrate defusion this way, it stops being a side note and becomes part of the coaching DNA. Clients learn to expect that their mind will get noisy, and they know exactly what to do when it happens. And you, as their coach, get to shift from problem-fixer to skill-builder, which is what world-class coaching is really about.

Choosing Tools: A Simple Decision Guide

One of the most useful questions you can ask a client is: “What if you didn’t need to believe or disprove your thoughts in order to act well? What would that free up in your life?” Clients often suddenly realise they don’t have to win an argument with their mind to move forward. They can notice the thought, loosen its grip, and still choose their next step.

I sometimes tie this back to philosophy. Descartes is famous for saying, “I think, therefore I am.” But if you invert it, you get something more powerful for coaching: “I notice my thinking, therefore I choose.” It’s not quite as profound, but it is a reminder that noticing our thoughts, rather than fusing with them, is what opens the door to choice. That’s the heart of defusion.

Now, how do you know when to use which tool? Here’s the rough guide I keep in my own coaching. If a thought is obviously inaccurate and the client is motivated to check it, you can lean on a quick CBT-style reality check. For example: “You said missing one workout ruins your progress. Let’s look and see if that has ever been true?” Sometimes a little fact-checking is all that’s needed.

But often, debating the thought doesn’t help, it just gets stickier. That’s when defusion shines. Instead of asking “Is this true?” we shift to “Here’s a thought, what happens if you notice it, let it be, and act by your values anyway?” It takes the power struggle off the table.

If the client is overwhelmed by strong feelings or urges, pair defusion with grounding and a tiny action. For example: “Yes, the craving is here. Notice it, name it, take a grounding breath, and then grab a piece of fruit from the fridge.” The goal is to act in a small, value-aligned way right alongside the intensity.

If avoidance is blocking their values, say a client is skipping the gym because of anxiety, then defusion needs to be paired with gentle exposure and micro-actions. Acknowledge the anxious thought, take it with you, and then do the smallest step toward the avoided behaviour: five minutes at the gym, one set, even just walking through the door.

As you teach this, remember that your tone matters as much as the tool. Stay calm, curious, and non-judgmental. The quickest way to make a client shut down is to dismiss them with a casual “just defuse it.” A better frame is, “Let’s practice a way to make this thought less sticky, so it has less control over what you do.” That makes the process collaborative rather than corrective.

And finally, be thoughtful with humour. Used well, it can lighten shame spirals and help clients see their thoughts from a new angle. Used poorly, it can minimise a struggle that feels very real to them. So try to read the room. If a client is really struggling, don’t crack jokes. But if they’re already starting to smile at their own attempts at humourously tackling their issues, you can lean into that lightness. 

The art here isn’t in having a giant toolbox. It’s in knowing when to reach for which tool, and how to deliver it with presence and care. Get that right, and your clients will feel both supported and empowered, and they’ll start building the skill of choice no matter what their mind throws at them.

Common Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them

Any time you start teaching defusion, you’ll notice a few traps that both coaches and clients can fall into. Knowing them ahead of time helps you steer clear and keeps the practice clean.

First, zoom out for a second. We live in a culture obsessed with “positive vibes only.” The message is generally that if you’re not thinking happy thoughts, you’re somehow doing it wrong. That’s why defusion is a little radical, as it says, actually, it’s okay to have messy, negative, unpolished inner experiences. You don’t have to turn them into something pretty to live well. You just need to relate to them differently so you can still act in alignment with your values.

The most common pitfall is when defusion gets mistaken for suppression. A client will try to use it as a way of pushing thoughts out of their head, like, “If I do this right, the thought will go away.” That’s not the point. We’re not erasing the thought, we’re letting it ride shotgun while we drive. The goal is to keep moving, not to silence the noise.

Another trap is over-intellectualising. Coaches love to explain, but if you spend 10 minutes giving a lecture on why defusion works, you’ve already lost the client. Keep the practices short and experiential, 30 to 90 seconds max. Clients don’t need a dissertation, they need to feel the shift in the moment.

There’s also what I call the “values vacuum.” If you teach defusion without tying it back to values, it can feel pointless. Clients might say, “Okay, I noticed the thought. Now what?” Always bring it back to, “What actually matters here?” Defusion without values is like loading a barbell and then never lifting it, it doesn’t go anywhere.

Watch out for perfectionism about the skill, too. Some clients will think they’re failing if the thought still feels sticky afterwards. Remind them that success isn’t about making the thought disappear. Success is acting well even with the thought present. Sticky is fine. Action is what counts.

Also, don’t let positivity get weaponised. If defusion turns into, “I must always turn negative thoughts into positive ones,” you’ve just created a new rigid rule, which defeats the purpose. The whole point is flexibility, not another mental standard to meet.

Finally, you should know your lane. Defusion is a coaching skill for everyday functioning, like helping clients handle cravings, self-doubt, or gym anxiety. It’s not a tool for treating trauma, eating disorders, or severe depression. If you see red flags, you should refer out. Your job is to support, not to diagnose or treat.

Keep these pitfalls in mind, and you’ll save yourself and your clients a lot of frustration. Done well, defusion is very helpful. Done poorly, it just becomes another mental wrestling match. The key is to stay grounded in values, keep practices short and experiential, and always respect the boundary between coaching and therapy.

Coach Development: Make Cognitive Defusion Your Superpower

If you want to teach defusion well, you can’t just know it in theory, you have to live it yourself. The best coaches aren’t just explaining skills, they’re actually modelling them. That means practising defusion daily, in your own training, in your own nutrition choices, in the way you handle business stress or tough feedback. If you’ve used it to get yourself through a tough dietary choice or a sleepless night, you’ll be infinitely better at guiding a client through their version of the same thing. Clients can sense when you’re walking the walk.

After sessions, take a moment for reflective practice. Ask yourself: Where did fusion show up today? Was it in me, in the client, or in the dynamic between us? How did I respond? What could I try differently next time? This kind of review sharpens your timing and helps you grow as a practitioner.

When it comes to teaching, focus on micro-reps. Don’t overwhelm clients by dumping five tools on them in one session. Instead, teach one technique, let them practice it, and revisit it often. Repetition matters far more than novelty. Just like physical training, consistency builds capacity.

It also helps to keep a small “library” of metaphors you know well, maybe three to five that feel natural to you (I probably over-do this, but I tend to think in metaphors and analogies, so I am certainly biased here). It could be the “radio station,” the “sticky note on a shelf,” or “leaves on a stream.” If you try to memorise twenty different metaphors, you’ll freeze up under pressure. If you have a few favourites you can pull out easily, you’ll sound confident, and your clients will feel that.

Another way to accelerate your growth is through supervision and peer drills. Role-play with other coaches for five minutes at a time, where one of you plays the client stuck in a thought, the other practices introducing a defusion technique. Switch roles and repeat. It feels artificial at first, but it’s the fastest way to sharpen your language, timing, and presence. I was first introduced to this when I worked in a university gym, and it always stuck with me. It definitely helps you tighten up your skills fast, especially when there is also a wider group watching! Evolutionary psychology also suggests that humans are social learners, and we mirror one another’s calmness and perspective-taking. Practising together actually accelerates your learning and retention.

And from a neuroscience perspective, every time you practice defusion yourself, you’re strengthening the neural pathways that support it. These neural pathways strengthening with repetition, the very same way you improve your gym technique with repetition. The more you practice noticing and unhooking from your own thoughts, the faster and smoother the skill fires when you’re under pressure. That makes you not only a better coach in calm moments, but also a steadier guide when a client is anxious, ashamed, or overwhelmed.

So, don’t just teach defusion, actually train it yourself. Make it part of your own life, reflect on it, rep it out, and practice with others. Do that, and this skill won’t just be another tool in your kit that you never use, or feel awkward using. It’ll become second nature to you, and this will allow you to use it more confidently with your clients. 

FAQs Coaches Ask: Client Objections & Troubleshooting

When you start teaching defusion, you’ll notice the same objections and questions come up again and again. That’s totally normal. Clients are used to arguing with their thoughts, trying to reframe them, or powering through with willpower. Defusion feels different, and sometimes a little odd, so your job is to normalise that and guide them through it.

One common line you’ll hear is, “But it’s true.” And sometimes, it might be. The scale might actually be up. They may have skipped the gym. The point of defusion isn’t to argue whether a thought is true or false, it’s to practice acting by values even when the thought feels true. That’s a subtle but incredibly important distinction.

Another question: “How long until it works?” The honest answer is, often within minutes. Even a single rep can create a little space. But like any skill, it strengthens with repetition. I tell clients, “It’s like learning a new lift. You’ll feel it right away, but it really pays off after a few weeks of consistent practice.”

Coaches sometimes wonder whether defusion mixes well with “hard” coaching elements like macros, periodisation, or sleep protocols. Absolutely. In fact, it works best when you attach it directly to the friction points of those plans. If macros bring up food guilt, use defusion there. If training consistency gets derailed by “why bother,” use it at that entry point. It’s not a separate thing, it’s mean to be integrated.

Clients will occasionally reject certain techniques. A classic example is the silly-voice repetition. If someone rolls their eyes at it, don’t force it. Shift to labelling (“I’m having the thought that…”) or a grounding exercise. Match the tool to the person, not the other way around.

You’ll also hear, “This feels weird” or “This feels pointless.” Normalise that. Of course it feels odd at first, just like a new exercise does. Invite them into a micro-experiment: “Try it for 30 seconds and see what you notice.” Actually experiencing it beats explanation for most people.

Another objection: “But what if the thought is actually true?” That’s your cue to remind them that truth isn’t the issue here. Defusion is about workability. Does fusing with this thought help you live your values, or does it pull you away from them? That is how you reframe the entire conversation.

Clients also forget to use defusion in the heat of the moment. That’s to be expected. Your job is to build reminders and cues. Tie it to existing habits (“after work, shoes off, label the first thought that pops up”). Rehearse in the session so it becomes familiar. The more they practice in safe settings, the more it shows up under pressure.

And here’s the final question: What happens if we don’t apply defusion at all? The answer is that clients stay stuck in fused spirals. Stuff like the all too common yo-yo dieting, gym avoidance, and shame spirals. Coaches burn out trying to argue clients into new beliefs. At scale, health culture becomes more rigid, moralising, and shame-driven. Defusion isn’t just a handy trick, it’s a pressure release valve for both the client and the coach, and honestly, for the overall culture of coaching as a whole.

Using Cognitive Defusion in Your Coaching Conclusion

The reality of being human is that life will always include noise. Thoughts, doubts, cravings, worries, they’re all part of the human package. Right now, I am having thoughts of wanting a Domino’s pizza. The goal isn’t to erase these thoughts, or to wait until the mind is perfectly quiet before acting. The good life is about learning to live and act well alongside the noise (I did not order the pizza).

That’s why cognitive defusion matters so much in coaching. It’s not just another mindset hack, it’s a key skill. Teach it well, and your clients gain consistency in training, in eating, in sleeping, and in recovering. More than that, they actually gain the freedom to move forward without needing permission from their mind.

When you coach defusion, you stop trying to out-argue clients’ thoughts, and they stop feeling like those thoughts define them. Together, you build a space where action is possible, even in the middle of discomfort. Not perfect thoughts, not perfect days, just the ability to keep choosing what matters.

If you want to keep sharpening your coaching craft, we’ve built a free Content Hub filled with resources just for coaches. Inside, you’ll find the Coaches Corner, which has a collection of tools, frameworks, and real-world insights you can start using right away. We also share regular tips and strategies on Instagram and YouTube, so you’ve always got fresh ideas and practical examples at your fingertips. And if you want everything delivered straight to you, the easiest way is to subscribe to our newsletter so you never miss new material.

For those of you ready to take the next step in professional development, we also offer advanced training. Our Nutrition Coach Certification is designed to help you guide clients through sustainable, evidence-based nutrition change with confidence, while our Exercise Program Design Course focuses on building effective, individualised training plans that actually work in the real world. Beyond that, we’ve created specialised courses so you can grow in the exact areas that matter most for your journey as a coach.

And coaching can feel like a lonely job at times, but you don’t have to do it alone. If you ever want to ask a question, get clarification, or just connect with people who get it, reach out to us on Instagram or by email. We’re here to support you as you keep building your skills, your practice, and the impact you make with your clients.