Navigating Goal-Value Incongruency in Coaching

When coaching clients, you are almost always going to have to deal with some degree of goal-value incongruency. I would go so far as to say that clients rarely lack ambition. In fact, most arrive with extreme goals. Getting absolutely shredded, training like an elite athlete, or dialling in their nutrition with near-perfect precision, most clients certainly do not lack ambition. On the surface, these goals sound inspiring. 

But what is often left out of the discussion is that the very same client also deeply values things like socialising, indulgent family dinners, weekend downtime, or career growth. Those values don’t disappear just because they’ve set a fitness goal. 

And this is where the tension begins: the discipline and sacrifice required to achieve an extreme outcome can directly clash with the type of life your client wants to live.

Their goals and their values are incongruent. They don’t synergise well together, and often, they actively work against each other.

Ignoring this goal-value incongruency is a recipe for frustration on both sides of the coaching relationship. Clients who try to white-knuckle their way through conflicting priorities eventually burn out, self-sabotage, or decide they’ve “failed.” Coaches, meanwhile, can feel like they aren’t actually able to help their client, and they keep pushing harder when what’s really needed is a reframing of the process. This cycle leaves everyone discouraged, and the results (if they happen at all) rarely last.

As a coach, your role isn’t to judge those conflicts or to impose your own definition of what someone “should” prioritise. Your responsibility is to guide clients toward clarity: helping them see the trade-offs, align their goals with their values, and make choices that feel both achievable and authentic. When you approach coaching this way, you’re not just chasing short-term results, you’re actually empowering your clients to build a lifestyle that actually fits who they are. That’s the kind of work that actually lasts, which means your client is happier and they send more clients to you for the rest of their life! 

TLDR

Many clients set ambitious fitness goals, like getting shredded or following rigid meal plans, while also holding values such as family time, social connection, and career growth. When goals and values don’t align, it creates incongruency: a tension that often leads to frustration, self-sabotage, or burnout.

As a coach, your role isn’t to force compliance but to guide clients toward clarity, alignment, and conscious choice. That means:

• Spotting incongruency early so it doesn’t derail progress.
• Helping clients clarify values vs. goals (what truly matters vs. what they think they should chase).
• Identifying points of conflict using tools like journaling, alignment grids, and behaviour-values matrices.
• Guiding clients through awareness with powerful questions and motivational interviewing.
• Resolving misalignments by adjusting goals, flexing behaviours, or reframing what success looks like.
• Communicating with empathy and accountability while avoiding judgment or moralising.
• Encouraging conscious choices through ownership, small experiments, and acceptance of “good enough” progress.
• Knowing when to push and when to pull back based on readiness and values alignment.
• Developing as a coach by reflecting on your own biases, studying behaviour-change psychology, and modelling alignment in your own life.

The ultimate takeaway is that incongruency isn’t a problem to “fix” but a tension you will have to navigate. Great coaching helps clients live in alignment with their values while still making meaningful progress toward their goals.

Understanding Goal-Value Incongruency

At its core, goal-value incongruency happens when a client’s goals, values, and daily actions don’t line up. On paper, their target might be crystal clear. “I want to get shredded” or “I need a strict meal plan.” But underneath, their values and lifestyle pull them in a different direction. That mismatch creates friction, and if it goes unaddressed, it erodes motivation and trust in the process.

You’ll see this show up in a hundred little ways. A client who deeply values freedom may get excited about a bodybuilding-style plan with rigid structure, only to feel suffocated by it weeks later. Someone who thrives on spontaneity might ask for detailed meal prep strategies but then feel angry when the plan leaves no room for flexibility. A client who loves social connection might pursue a restrictive fat-loss phase, only to find that skipping dinners out with friends feels like cutting off part of who they are. 

None of these scenarios mean the client is lazy or “not serious”, they mean the approach is colliding with their core values.

Spotting this early is critical. If you miss the signs, your client ends up stuck in a cycle of resentment, “falling off the wagon,” or even self-sabotage. And when that happens, they don’t just lose faith in the plan, they start to lose faith in themselves. As coaches, it’s our job to intervene before they lose faith in the plan or themselves, helping them to see the conflict for what it is: a signal, and not a failure.

There’s also a strong psychological layer here. On one level, this is classic cognitive dissonance, which is the mental discomfort people feel when their behaviour doesn’t match their beliefs. Imagine believing “I’m a family-first person” but skipping your kid’s play to hit the gym. That is obviously going to lead to inner tension. 

On another level, incongruency can create identity tension. Clients often define themselves in ways like “I’m the fun one” or “I’m spontaneous,” which can directly clash with the disciplined, structured identity required for some fitness outcomes. 

If you’re not attuned to this, you’ll wonder why a client who says they want results keeps resisting the very behaviours that would get them there.

Understanding incongruency is less about spotting excuses and more about recognising these tensions as predictable, human patterns. Once you learn to see them, you can guide clients through them with empathy and skill, instead of frustration.

Signs You’re Dealing With Incongruency

Spotting incongruency early can save both you and your client a lot of frustration. The problem is, most clients won’t say outright, “My goals and my values are in conflict.” Instead, it shows up through patterns of behaviour and language. As a coach, you need to train your eye for these red flags so you can intervene before things spiral into burnout or disengagement.

Here are some of the most common signs:

• Repeated self-sabotage. The client makes progress for a while, then consistently derails themselves with choices that don’t match the stated goal (e.g., blowing through thousands of calories every weekend, skipping key sessions, “forgetting” to log meals). This usually isn’t about laziness, it’s a sign that the plan is butting heads with something they value more.
• Guilt around small mishaps. If a client constantly frames small deviations as “failures” or beats themselves up for prioritising family, rest, or social time, that’s a signal their goal and values aren’t aligned. The guilt tells you they’re measuring themselves against a standard that doesn’t fit their life, and more often than not, isn’t needed for success.
• All-or-nothing thinking. Listen for statements like, “If I can’t do it perfectly, it’s not worth doing at all,” or “I was on track until I blew it at dinner, so the whole week is ruined.” This black-and-white mindset often reflects a deeper tension between rigid goals and flexible values.
• Constant shifting of goals. One month it’s fat loss, the next it’s marathon training, then it’s “just wanting to feel healthy.” Frequent changes in direction can indicate that none of the goals really feel congruent with what matters most to the client, and they’re trying on borrowed ideals to see if one finally “fits.”

When you notice these signs, don’t jump straight to fixing the behaviour. Instead, step back and explore. Ask questions that surface the underlying values and tensions. Often, what looks like a lack of willpower is actually a signal that the current plan just isn’t aligned with the client’s deeper priorities.

By spotting incongruency early, you shift from chasing symptoms (skipped workouts, broken diets) to addressing the root cause. That’s where your coaching really begins to offer huge amounts of value.

The Coach’s Role in Navigating Goal-Value Incongruency

Now, when it comes to goal-value incongruency, your role as a coach is not to play dictator, handing down rigid rules that clients must follow no matter the cost. 

Instead, you’re a facilitator of clarity. Your job is to help clients uncover the friction points between their goals, values, and actions… and then guide them toward choices that fit their reality. 

Think of yourself less like a drill sergeant and more like a skilled guide on a hiking trail: you’re not dragging someone uphill, while yelling at them, you’re helping them navigate the terrain in a way they can actually sustain.

This requires a delicate balance of empathy and honesty. On one hand, you need to “meet clients where they are,” honouring the values, limitations, and priorities they bring to the table. On the other hand, you’re not doing them any favours if you indulge completely unrealistic expectations. 

A client who wants stage-ready leanness but also insists on zero sacrifice in their lifestyle needs to hear the truth about what that trade-off requires. This doesn’t mean you need to be abrasive, and you can deliver this with compassion. You may feel like this will push your client away, but in reality, honesty doesn’t push clients away, it builds respect and clarity. 

Trust is the foundation here. Clients won’t open up about their real struggles if they sense judgment or dismissal. If they feel safe with you, they’re far more likely to admit, “I keep blowing my macros on Friday nights because I don’t want to miss dinners with friends.” That honesty is coaching gold. 

It gives you a chance to explore solutions that actually work, instead of fighting a hidden battle that was never going to be won.

And then there are the ethical boundaries that must be considered too. It’s easy to slip into coaching from your own values, such as prioritising discipline, physique goals, or performance, because those things matter to you. But your role isn’t to clone your lifestyle for your clients. It’s to help them live in alignment with their values. That means respecting differences and avoiding judgment, even when a client’s version of balance looks very different from yours.

This one is very tricky to navigate, and you will have to do a lot of introspection here. But learning to actually coach your client in a way that is aligned with their values, rather than your own, will actually lead to much better results. And, your clients will enjoy the process a lot more too!

Finally, know your limits. If incongruency is tied to deeper psychological struggles, like disordered eating, trauma, or some sort of mental health issues, it’s probably outside the scope of coaching. 

Recognising when to refer out is not a sign of weakness; it’s a hallmark of professionalism. Your credibility grows when you can say, “This piece is best handled by a therapist or specialist,” while continuing to support the client in the areas where you are qualified.

Ultimately, your role is to create a safe, honest, and empowering space where clients can see their own incongruencies clearly, and then make informed choices about how to navigate them. Done well, this turns what could feel like constant conflict into an opportunity for growth, sustainability, and deeper trust in the coaching relationship.

Values vs. Goals: Clarifying Each

One of the biggest reasons clients get stuck in goal-value incongruency is that they’ve never clearly articulated the difference between their values and their goals. As a coach, part of your job is to help them separate the two, because when these get tangled, clients end up chasing outcomes that don’t actually feel fulfilling once achieved.

Start with values. Values are the guiding principles that shape how someone wants to live. They aren’t temporary or tied to a deadline; they’re about identity and meaning. A helpful way to surface these is through structured exercises. Tools like a life compass or simple prompts such as “What do you want your life to stand for?” open up conversations most clients have never had in the context of fitness. Encourage them to explore domains like health, relationships, career, fun, and contribution. You’ll learn quickly whether someone values flexibility, family time, growth, or creativity, and these insights give you a compass for guiding their decisions later on.

Then move to goals. Goals are specific, measurable, and time-bound outcomes. This is where tools like SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound) are useful, and this is why we spend a lot of time going through this stuff on both our exercise program design course and nutrition course. For example, “lose 15 pounds in the next 12 weeks” is a goal; “feel healthy enough to play with my kids” is closer to a value. But don’t stop at surface-level goals. Always dig deeper by uncovering the “why beneath the why.” If a client says they want visible abs, ask what that means to them. Do they believe it will give them confidence? Make them feel accepted? Prove they’re disciplined? These deeper motivations are often more tied to values than aesthetics.

Recognise cultural and social influences. Many of the goals clients bring you are not entirely their own. They’re “borrowed” from Instagram, TikTok, or what their peer group idolises. Social media has normalised extreme physiques as benchmarks of health, even though they often come at the expense of lifestyle balance. As a coach, you can gently explore where a goal originated by asking, “Where do you think this idea of success came from?” or “Who are you comparing yourself to?” Often, clients realise they’re chasing someone else’s standard rather than something aligned with their own life.

When you help clients clearly define both their values (the foundation) and their goals (the expression of those values), you give them a framework for alignment. Instead of blindly pursuing borrowed ideals, they can pursue goals that genuinely support the kind of life they want to live. 

That’s when all of this health and fitness stuff becomes a sustainable part of their life, and not just another 12-week fad.

Identifying Points of Conflict

Once clients have articulated both their values and their goals, the next step is helping them spot the points where those two pull against each other. Most clients won’t recognise the conflict on their own, they just feel “stuck” or guilty for not following through. 

As a coach, you can bring clarity to that tension so it becomes something they can work with, instead of something that quietly sabotages progress.

Practical tools can help here. One simple starting point is journaling prompts. Encourage clients to reflect on questions like:

• “Where do I feel pulled in two directions?”
• “What part of my life feels squeezed out by this goal?”
• “When I imagine success, what do I see myself giving up, and how does that feel?”

These kinds of prompts make the invisible visible. Suddenly, a client realises, “I value social time, but I feel guilty every time I go out for dinner because it clashes with my calorie target.” That’s a breakthrough moment that can really help you to solve some key goal-value incongruencies.

Another useful tool is the Values-Goals Alignment Grid. This is a simple chart where you list the client’s stated values on one side and their goals on the other. Then you look at each intersection: do they reinforce each other, or create friction? For example, a value of “family connection” may support a goal of “more energy and health,” but conflict with a goal of “competing in a physique show that requires extreme dieting.” Laying it out visually can be powerful, as it’s harder to ignore misalignments when they’re on paper.

You can also introduce the Values-Behaviours Matrix, which helps clients see how their daily actions interact with their values:

• Values high, behaviours low → frustration. A client who values health but skips workouts repeatedly feels disappointed in themselves.
• Values low, behaviours high → burnout. A client who doesn’t deeply value leanness but forces themselves into rigid dieting ends up exhausted and resentful.
• Values and behaviours aligned → sustainable progress. A client who values strength and enjoys training consistently finds the process energising, not draining.

To make this concrete, think about common conflict scenarios:

• A client values dining out with friends but struggles to balance it with strict calorie tracking.
• A parent values family and rest but also commits to 5 a.m. training sessions, sacrificing sleep.
• An ambitious professional values career growth but finds their long work hours leave little bandwidth for structured meal prep.

In each case, the conflict isn’t about willpower, it’s about competing priorities. Your role is to shine a light on these trade-offs so the client can make conscious choices instead of defaulting to guilt, resentment, or self-sabotage.

Guiding Clients Through the Awareness Phase

Once a client begins to see where their goals and values might be in conflict, the next step isn’t to prescribe solutions right away, it’s to guide them through the awareness phase. I know you are going to want to jump in and start solving problems, but try not to yet. This stage is about slowing down, holding space, and helping clients look honestly at the trade-offs in front of them. Rushing past awareness almost always leads to resistance later. You don’t want them to feel like you are telling them what to do, you want them to feel like they have solved their own problems. 

The best way to do this is by asking powerful coaching questions. These aren’t “yes/no” questions but open invitations to reflect:

• “What matters more to you right now, progress toward this goal or preserving this value?”
• “What would you be unwilling to sacrifice for this goal?”
• “If you achieve this goal but compromise your values, how will you feel?”

Questions like these shift the conversation away from rigid right-or-wrong answers and toward deeper clarity. Clients start to see the cost-benefit trade-offs of their choices without you having to lecture or judge. When they articulate those trade-offs themselves, the awareness actually sticks. Nobody likes being told what to do, even if it does actually help them.

This is where motivational interviewing (MI) tools become invaluable. MI is built around collaboration, not confrontation. It uses skills like:

• Open-ended questions (to encourage exploration).
• Affirmations (to reinforce strengths and wins).
• Reflective listening (to show you understand and to help clients hear their own words back).
• Summaries (to tie threads together so they see the big picture).

Instead of trying to “fix” resistance, you roll with it. If a client says, “I don’t want to give up Friday pizza night,” don’t argue. Reflect it back: “Friday pizza night sounds like something that really matters to you.” That acknowledgement lowers defensiveness and invites them to consider adjustments more openly. 

Now, you obviously don’t just stop here, you then help to come up with strategies around this. But you would be surprised at how effective actually showing that you have listened to the client is here. 

And finally, encourage what I like to call radical honesty. Many clients chase physique goals because they think they’re supposed to. Giving them permission to admit, “Actually, a six-pack isn’t my top priority right now,” can feel liberating. When clients realise it’s okay to pursue health, strength, or energy without obsessing over extreme outcomes, you’ve helped them step into ownership of their choices.

I shouldn’t need to say this, but radical honesty isn’t just being mean or rude, it is actually being honest in a compassionate and understanding way. 

Ultimately, your job in this phase isn’t to push, it’s to help them see clearly. With clarity comes agency, and with agency comes the ability to design a path that feels both meaningful and sustainable.

Practical Strategies for Resolution

Awareness is powerful, but it isn’t enough on its own. Once a client recognises where their goals and values clash, the next step is resolution, and finding a path forward that honours both. As a coach, your role is to guide them toward practical strategies that reduce conflict and make progress sustainable. 

There are three main levers you can work with: adjusting the goal, adjusting the behaviours, and reframing what success looks like. Knowing when to use each strategy is what will make you an expert coach.

A. Adjusting the Goal to Fit the Values: Sometimes the conflict isn’t with the behaviours, but with the goal itself. A client may set their sights on an extreme outcome, like getting shredded or achieving a stage-ready physique, without realising the sacrifices that entails. In these cases, you can help them adjust the goal to better align with their values.

That might mean moving from “shredded” to “leaner, stronger, and healthier.” It might mean choosing to improve energy, strength, or body composition without chasing single-digit body fat. From there, you can design flexible nutrition and training strategies, and plans that make room for family dinners, social gatherings, or career responsibilities. The shift is from perfection to sustainability. When goals respect a client’s lifestyle, consistency becomes far easier.

B. Adjusting the Behaviours Temporarily: In other cases, the goal is fine, but the behaviours need flexibility. This is where periodisation is your friend. Clients can absolutely have stricter phases, but those phases should have clear start and end points. For example, a client might commit to an 8-week fat-loss push, knowing they’ll transition into a more flexible maintenance phase afterwards. This structure keeps intensity from becoming permanent burnout. We go in-depth into this in our nutrition coach and exercise program design courses.

You can also build in flexibility around core values. If family meals are sacred, maybe the client tracks everything except the evening meal, and instead just follows rough guidelines for that meal. If spontaneity matters, you can allow a few untracked meals each week, again, with rough guidelines. These adjustments keep the client engaged without making them feel like they’ve sacrificed who they are.

C. Reframing Success: Finally, resolution often means broadening the definition of success. Too many clients (and coaches) fixate on scale weight or body fat percentage as the only outcomes worth celebrating. But sustainable fitness isn’t one-dimensional. Encourage clients to track and celebrate multiple metrics of progress, such as improved energy, better sleep, more strength in the gym, reduced stress, or even greater confidence in daily life.

By reframing success, you teach clients to value aligned wins. These are the kinds of wins that support both their goals and their values. That’s where momentum comes from. The progress feels good, and is not just progress that looks good on paper but leaves the client hating life.

Communication Skills for Coaches

Now, this is extremely important. Even the best strategies will fall flat if you can’t communicate them effectively. The way you talk with clients (and arguably, more importantly, the way you listen) sets the tone for whether they feel judged, supported, or empowered. Communication is the bridge between awareness and action, and mastering it is one of the most underrated skills a coach can develop.

Start with active listening. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak, show clients you’re fully tuned in. Reflect back what you hear, both to validate their feelings and to make sure you’ve understood correctly. 

For example, if a client says, “I just hate how tracking makes me feel boxed in,” you might respond, “It sounds like the structure of tracking feels restrictive for you, even though you still care about making progress.” That reflection helps them feel seen and often encourages them to open up more.

Pair that listening with compassion plus accountability. Clients need to know you hear them, but they also need clarity on what it takes to reach their goals. Striking this balance might sound like: “I hear that family dinners are really important to you, and I don’t want you to give those up. At the same time, if fat loss is the priority, we’ll need to find a way to balance those meals with choices during the rest of the week.” Compassion builds trust; accountability keeps progress actually moving forward.

Avoid moralising food, exercise, or lifestyle choices. Words like “good,” “bad,” “cheating,” or “clean” load clients with unnecessary guilt and shame. Instead, use neutral, empowering language. A burger isn’t a moral failure, it’s just a choice that comes with trade-offs. This framing encourages ownership rather than secrecy or rebellion.

Similarly, replace “rules and restrictions” with “options and choices.” Instead of saying, “You can’t have dessert,” you might say, “You’ve got the option to enjoy dessert tonight, and if you do, let’s talk about how to balance that with the rest of your day.” Giving clients agency helps them feel in control rather than controlled.

Finally, a practical tool you can use is the value scaling exercise. Ask clients to rate, on a scale of 1 to 10, how willing they are to flex certain values in service of their goals. For example: “On a scale of 1 to 10, how willing are you to give up some social outings to pursue this fat-loss phase?” Their answer helps you gauge readiness and prevents you from pushing them harder than they’re willing to go. It also makes the trade-offs explicit, so clients aren’t blindsided later.

Great communication isn’t about talking more, or being all woo-woo with the language you use. It’s about transforming coaching from a top-down lecturing into a collaborative partnership.

Helping Clients Make Conscious Choices

At the end of the day, your role as a coach isn’t to make choices for your clients, it’s to help them make conscious choices for themselves. When clients understand the trade-offs and take ownership of their decisions, they feel empowered rather than pressured. That empowerment is what makes long-term change stick.

The first step is teaching clients that every choice has costs and benefits. Skipping a workout might mean more time with family (benefit) but slower progress toward strength goals (cost). Saying yes to drinks with friends might support social connection (benefit), but make fat loss a little harder (cost). Your job is to help them see these trade-offs clearly and without judgment. When clients realise they’re not “failing” but simply choosing, the shame cycle breaks.

From there, shift the spotlight to ownership. Phrases like, “You’re in control of how you balance this,” or “This is your decision to make, I’ll support you either way,” reinforce autonomy. Clients need to know they’re the driver, not just the passenger in the coaching relationship. Ownership builds trust and keeps them engaged when the path gets hard.

Next, encourage small experiments. Instead of demanding sweeping lifestyle changes, test adjustments in real life. For example, suggest trying two weeks of tracking everything except Friday dinners, or experimenting with three gym sessions instead of five. Ask them afterwards, “How did that feel? Was it sustainable?” This trial-and-error approach turns progress into a collaboration, not a prescription.

This is an extremely underutilised process in coaching. You don’t need to fully commit to every strategy you try. Coaching should be seen as an ever-evolving process. You will try things, and some will work, while others won’t. Don’t get overly attached to any one system or process. Try things. Keep what works, and move on from what doesn’t.

And finally, normalise the idea of “good enough” progress. Not every client needs to chase the most extreme outcome. Sometimes maintaining strength while improving sleep is a win. Sometimes dropping five pounds without sacrificing family meals is a better outcome than dropping twenty through misery. 

Ultimately, alignment with their deeper values matters more than achieving someone else’s standard of success.

Helping clients make conscious choices is about shifting from pressure to partnership. When clients see the trade-offs, own their decisions, and experiment with real-life strategies, they not only get better results, they also learn how to live in alignment long after coaching ends.

When to Push, When to Pull Back

One of the hardest skills to master as a coach is knowing when to challenge a client and when to ease off. Push too hard and you risk driving them into burnout or rebellion. Pull back too often and you risk letting them settle into patterns that don’t serve their goals. The key is learning to read the situation, and the client, with nuance.

A useful framework here is the Stages of Change Model (Prochaska’s Transtheoretical Model). Clients move through stages from precontemplation (“I don’t think I need to change”), to contemplation (“I probably should change”), to preparation, action, and maintenance. If a client is still in contemplation (unsure whether the goal is worth the sacrifice), then pushing harder only creates resistance. If they’re in preparation or action, a nudge might be exactly what they need to keep momentum. Matching your coaching intensity to their readiness is critical to long-term success.

It’s also important to distinguish resistance from values conflict. Resistance often sounds like, “This is hard, I don’t know if I can keep it up.” That’s a normal reaction to challenge and sometimes a cue to push a little, showing the client they’re more capable than they think. 

Values conflict, on the other hand, sounds more like, “This doesn’t feel like me” or “I don’t want to live this way.” That’s not resistance to discomfort, it’s a deeper misalignment. 

In those cases, pressing harder will only backfire. Instead, you need to step back, revisit values, and help them realign the goal or behaviours.

So when do you push? You push when a client is underestimating their capacity, and when the goal is aligned with their values, but they’re doubting themselves. Sometimes a gentle challenge (“Let’s try it for two weeks and see”) helps them discover strength they didn’t know they had.

And when do you pull back? You pull back when the cost of progress is clearly out of step with the client’s values, or when you see signs of mounting burnout (poor recovery, irritability, or waning enthusiasm). Adjusting the pace or scaling back the intensity doesn’t mean failure; it means you’re protecting long-term sustainability.

The art of coaching lies in this balance. By tuning into readiness, spotting the difference between resistance and misalignment, and responding accordingly, you build a relationship where clients feel both supported and stretched. Keeping them in this zone of proximal development leads to the best results, but it does just take a bit of work on your behalf.

Developing as a Coach in Handling Incongruency

Coaching clients through goal-value incongruency isn’t just about their growth, it’s also about yours, too. To do this well, you need to develop self-awareness, expand your skillset, and build the kind of perspective that only comes with reflection and practice.

It ultimately starts with self-reflection. Every coach brings their own values, priorities, and biases into the coaching relationship. If you prize discipline, you may unconsciously push clients harder than they’re ready for. If you value freedom, you might downplay structure even when it would help. Regularly check yourself by asking: “Am I coaching in service of their life, or my ego?” That single question can re-centre you when you feel the urge to make clients follow your preferred path.

Next, commit to studying the skills that make you more effective at navigating these tensions. Tools like motivational interviewing, values-based coaching, and the psychology of behaviour change are invaluable. They teach you how to ask better questions, listen more deeply, and help clients uncover their own motivations instead of forcing yours onto them.

Another key quality to build is tolerance for ambiguity. Not every client is chasing maximal physique outcomes, and that’s perfectly okay. Some will be thrilled with maintaining their weight while improving energy and sleep. Others may want to build healthier habits without ever stepping on a scale. 

As a coach, you have to get comfortable with the idea that success looks different for each person, even if it doesn’t match the transformation photos on social media.

Finally, you should model alignment in your own life. Clients are perceptive, and they notice when your advice matches how you live, and when it doesn’t. If you preach balance but burn yourself out, or claim to value health while running on fumes, your credibility erodes. But when you authentically live the principles you teach (balancing discipline with flexibility, respecting your own values while pursuing goals), you become a living example of alignment. 

That authenticity builds trust like nothing else.

Developing as a coach in this area is ongoing work. The better you get at handling incongruency in yourself, the better you’ll be at guiding clients through theirs. And ultimately, that’s what will make you a world class coach.

Addressing Common Criticisms of Values-Based Coaching

Now, I have been in this game long enough to know that some of you are going to feel that a values-based approach to coaching is a bit soft. Some of you pride yourself on toughness, or you believe in rigid structures that “just work”. These are valid approaches, and I always hate it when content you consume online makes it sound like there is only one way to do something. 

However, there is a reason I tend to coach the way I coach, and why I recommend this approach to other coaches. So, I want to just quickly tackle a few of the common critiques of this style of coaching. I don’t even need to wait for the critiques to come in, as I have already personally had these critiques and thoughts about this type of coaching myself, and I have battle-tested multiple approaches with multiple different client types. 

So, I know what does and does not consistently work. 

1. “This approach is too soft.” 

It’s true that some clients thrive under discipline and tough love. They want the strict plan, the daily accountability, and even a coach who won’t let them off the hook. And that can work, for the right person. 

But this framework isn’t about avoiding hard work, it’s about making sure the hard work is aimed in the right direction. 

Discipline is powerful, but when it’s misaligned with a client’s core values, it usually leads to burnout instead of lasting results. The “soft” approach isn’t about lowering standards, it’s about applying intensity where it actually serves the client.

They can work hard, but if they are swimming against the current, there is just a lot of wasted energy. I would rather if we could work just as hard, but also have the current working with us.

2. “Values talk is just fluff, clients just want programs.” 

Some coaches roll their eyes at discussions of values, and worry that it veers too close to therapy. But asking about values isn’t therapy, it’s just context. Just as you’d ask about a client’s sleep patterns, stress levels, or injury history, you should also ask what they care about most in life. Those factors shape their capacity to train and eat consistently. 

Yes, you can hand out a cookie-cutter program without ever touching on values, and it may work for a few weeks. But sooner or later, if the program ignores the client’s reality, it collapses under real-life pressures.

I care more about actually getting results with my clients, and if asking them about their values allows me to get better results, I am going to do it. 

3. “Not everyone needs flexibility.”

This is absolutely true. Some clients genuinely enjoy rigid plans. For them, structure feels safe, clear, and motivating, and it aligns perfectly with their values. In fact, this is me. 

I would actually go so far as to say I dislike flexibility, and much prefer rigid plans. I don’t want to have to think about any of this health and fitness stuff, I just want to execute the plan and get results. 

But the point here isn’t to avoid rigidity altogether. It’s to make sure rigidity is a choice, not an imposition. Me choosing rigidity is much different than someone imposing a rigid plan on me.

If a client thrives on eating the same meals daily, fantastic. If another feels suffocated by the same approach, forcing it will only create resistance. Flexibility doesn’t mean “easy”; it means tailoring the level of intensity and structure to match the client’s personality, values, and circumstances.

4. “The client shouldn’t always be in the driver’s seat.”

Yes, clients hire coaches for expertise, leadership, and guidance. They’re not looking for you to sit back passively while they wander aimlessly. This isn’t what I am advocating for.

Facilitation doesn’t mean abdicating authority, it means co-piloting. 

You, the coach, show the client the map, highlight the obstacles, and guide the route. But the client chooses the destination and pace. 

This balance ensures clients feel supported without feeling controlled. Ownership matters here: people rarely sustain behaviours long-term when they feel coerced. When they choose, they stick.

5. “Results can reshape values.”

There’s a fair point here, as sometimes chasing a big goal shifts how a client sees themselves. A client who swore they hated structure may discover they love the confidence and clarity that comes from discipline. 

But that’s why short-term pushes or experiments can be so useful. They allow clients to test-drive intensity without committing blindly. But even here, the process should remain client-led. If the results feel congruent, new values may emerge and stick. If the results clash with who they are, the success will usually unravel once the pressure lifts.

Ultimately, a values-based approach doesn’t dismiss hard work, discipline, or results, it simply ensures those things are sustainable and self-chosen. It respects that clients are human beings, not robots, and that the best coaching is both effective and deeply personal.

Goal-Value Incongruency In Coaching Conclusion

Goal-value incongruency isn’t something to “fix.” It’s not a flaw in the client or a failure in the coaching process. It’s a natural tension that shows up whenever ambitious goals bump against deeply held values. And that tension, handled well, can be one of the most valuable parts of the coaching journey.

Your job as a coach isn’t to enforce rigid prescriptions or drag clients toward goals that don’t fit their lives. It’s to guide them toward clarity, alignment, and conscious choice. That means helping them see the trade-offs clearly, supporting them in choosing a path that feels authentic, and adjusting strategies so their actions and values reinforce one another instead of clashing.

The ultimate win is bigger than a before-and-after photo. It’s when clients build a life where their fitness results feel satisfying and sustainable, and their day-to-day choices reflect who they truly are. When you can help a client get there, you’ve done more than change their body, you’ve helped them live in alignment. That’s coaching at its highest level.

We have a lot of free content available in our content hub, if you want to learn more. We specifically have a lot of content for coaches in our Coaches Corner. If you want even more free information, you can follow us on Instagram, YouTube or listen to the podcast. You can always stay up to date with our latest content by subscribing to our newsletter.

Finally, if you want to learn how to coach nutrition, then consider our Nutrition Coach Certification course, and if you want to learn to get better at exercise program design, then consider our course on exercise program design. We do have other courses available too. If you don’t understand something, or you just need clarification, you can always reach out to us on Instagram or via email.